A New Direction

I’ve wrestled with the words to use here, and at this time I’m actually just typing and letting the spirit direct me here. I’ve been searching for answers for years to different questions in my head, and how to heal certain things, and how to move forward in my own life. I’ve always been a believer, now this has taken on a whole new meaning. I’m delving into my faith more than ever before, growing a relationship with God, and learning to trust even in moments when everything feels hopeless. I’m releasing trauma and healing hurts I didn’t even realize were still there. Through all of this my outward life looks to have spiraled. Yet I’m keeping the faith and this is my record.

I have crashed and burned at every turn. I have made mistakes, bad choices, and at times I’ve simply not cared. I’ve hurt myself, I’ve hurt my kids, I’ve hurt my family. I obviously cared through those parts. All of this while I’ve been told my entire life how strong I am and how amazed people are by me and how I’m incredible. I’ve been in this constant war between who I know I am and who they want me to be. You see…God is calling me. I’m not sure what He’s calling me towards, other than Himself. Still, I’m following and choosing to trust in the unknown. I’m choosing to stay on this path that is increasingly terrifying for the normal world. I’m choosing to sit in the discomfort, to acknowledge but not change how it’s effecting my children, to dive into this trust more and more. I’m choosing to ignore the fear and embrace the trust of faith. I can’t say where we’ll go from here.

God will provide for us. He always has and He always will. Our dreams WILL come true because they align with His will. No matter what we are facing in the current moment, all we have to do is take the next right step, and then the next, and then the next. Even if we make a step in the wrong direction or we go off track – we’re met with love and acceptance when we return. Step into love. Daily. That’s all He asks and we will prevail. This is my belief, my last shred of hope to cling to. My God is an awesome God. He reigns over this world with love and mercy and light. Even in the discomfort. Especially in the turmoil. If all we have is hope – we have enough for His gory to show through.